From time to time, it profits us all to hear with attention a sermon on marriage.  Most Catholics are, or will be,  married which means that most Catholics will work out their salvation  (with fear and trembling) in the married life and so, for this reason, the preacher should say a few words on this important topic from time to time.

Today, however, this priest is compelled with an additional reason to discuss marriage.  This Sunday, November 9, 2003 is the 40th anniversary of his parents’ wedding day.  They are here today and the 11 a.m. holy Mass is offered for them.

When the Sacrament of Matrimony is conferred in the old rite of marriage, the Church offers the priest the choice of sermons, one composed of his own words, or one present in the ritual itself.  The one in the ceremonial book is called the Exhortation Before Marriage.  I think there is nothing better written on marriage than this brief but pregnant treatise on the Sacrament which unites two persons in the unbreakable and sacred bond of matrimony.

Although this Exhortation is said before those who are about to receive the Sacrament of Matrimony, all may yet profit by an attentive hearing to its instruction.  For here the unmarried are given an excellent catechism on the true ideal of marriage; the married are encouraged to live-out their marriage vows with greater efforts.  This Exhortation is a wonderful catechism on a most important sacrament; a penetrating meditation on a great mystery.

I will read this Exhortation now.  Listen attentively and receive the Church’s doctrine on marriage.

“My dear friends: You are about to enter upon a union which is most sacred and most serious.  It is most sacred because God Himself established it.  By it, He gave to man a share in the greatest work of creation, the work of the continuation of the human race.  And, in this way, He sanctified human love and enabled man and woman to help each other live as children of God, by sharing a common life under His fatherly care.
    
“Because God Himself is thus its author, marriage is of its very nature a holy institution, requiring of those who enter into it a complete and unreserved giving of self.  But Christ our Lord added to the holiness of marriage an even deeper meaning and a higher beauty.  He referred to the love of marriage to describe His own love for His Church, that is, for the people of God whom He redeemed by His own blood.  And so He gave to Christians a new vision of what married life ought to be, a life of self-sacrificing love like His own.  It is for this reason that His apostle, St. Paul, clearly states that marriage is now and for all time to be considered a great mystery, intimately bound up with the supernatural union of Christ and the Church, which union is also to be its pattern.

 “This union, then, is most serious, because it will bind you together for life in a relationship so close and so intimate, that it will profoundly influence your whole future.  That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its successes and its failures, its pleasures and its pains, its joys and its sorrows, is hidden from your eyes.   You know that these elements are mingled in every life, and are to be expected in your own.  And so not knowing what is before you, you take each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death.

“Truly, then, these words are most serious.  It is a beautiful tribute to your undoubted faith in each other, that recognizing their full import, you are, nevertheless, so willing and ready to pronounce them.  And because these words involve such solemn obligations, it is most fitting that you rest the security of your wedded life upon the great principle of self-sacrifice.  And so you begin your married life by the voluntary and complete surrender of your individual lives in the interest of that deeper and wider life which you are to have in common.  Henceforth you will belong entirely to each other; you will be one in mind, one in heart, and one in affections.  And whatever sacrifices you may hereafter be required to make to preserve this mutual life, always make them generously.  Sacrifice is usually difficult and irksome.  Only love can make it easy, and perfect love can make it a joy.  We are willing to give in proportion as we love.  And when love is perfect, the sacrifice is complete.  God so loved us that He gave Himself for our salvation.  'Greater love than this no man hath, that a man lay down his life for his friends.'

“No greater blessing can come to your married life than pure conjugal love, loyal and true to the end.  May, then, this love with which you join your hands and hearts today never fail, but grow deeper and stronger as the years go on.  And if true love and the unselfish spirit of perfect sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect the greatest measure of earthly happiness that may be allotted to man in this vale of tears.  The rest is in the hands of God.

“Nor will God be wanting to your needs; He will pledge you the life-long support of His graces in the Holy Sacrament which you are now going to receive.”      

Thus goes the Exhortation Before Marriage as presented in the old rite of matrimony.  Much could be said on the Church’s ideal of married life as expressed in this Exhortation, but notice three in particular: first, marriage necessarily implies mutual sacrifice.  We are told, “Married life ought to be a life of self-sacrificing love like that of Christ for His Church.”  Second, marriage is a mutual bonding.  We are told, “Henceforth you will belong entirely to each other; you will be one in mind, one in heart, one in affections.  And whatever sacrifices you may hereafter be required to make to preserve this mutual life, always makes them generously.”  Third, happiness in marriage depends on our willingness to suffer.  We are told, “if true love and unselfish spirit of perfect sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect the greatest measure of earthly happiness that may be allotted to man in this vale of tears.”

Dear married and to be married, expect to suffer in marriage, and when suffering arises generously make your sacrifice.  Herein is the perfecting agent for your salvation AND the secret to making Catholic marriages happy and holy.  Marriage is made unhappy when suffering is escaped and self-love embraced.  Marriages are made happy when, in this mutual life, injuries are easily forgiven, forgiveness is promptly sought, grudges are quickly rejected, the marriage debt is gladly paid (when reasonably asked for); and, in so many ways, a marriage is made happy when both spouses mutually push self aside and begin to live for the other.  This is true marriage; and a true replication of Christ’s love for His Church.