A Journal of Sorts

20 February 1999

Graduation

I watched an old home video that I discovered the other day when I was looking for a blank tape. It was my college graduation and a 'candid camera' take of a gathering at my house the next day. The graduation part is definitely one of the poorest quality home movies I've ever seen. There were a few scenes of actual graduation stuff, but most of it was the ground, floor, sidewalk and people's shoes. Have you ever seen one of those where the cameraperson walks around thinking the camera isn't recording? Watching the video, I felt the same agony of defeat when Michael Verdun was named Valedictorian that I felt on graduation day. Just one hundredth of a grade point made all the difference.

The part at home was interesting. I had some really good feelings about my ex-husband. Although our marriage was definitely on the rocks at that time, he had certainly gone to a lot of trouble to make my graduation memorable. He had invited people he couldn't STAND into our home, even some out-of-town computer buddies to surprise me. Anyway, the gathering was my typical, informal thing.

I noticed some things haven't changed all that much. I was telling everyone about the veggie garden and bragging on Jason's okra. They all went out to look. Chuck and I had a conversation about my 'dream' to get out of the city. Some of the stories told are still being told today.

Some things have changed a LOT! I was certainly a more relaxed and self-confident person then. I suppose all of my recent successes had a good deal to do with my attitude and being surrounded by such good, loving people all the time . . .. The years of misery and depression between then and now have certainly taken their toll. Watching that old movie brought to light that I am still just starting to climb out of the dark years.

There was a snippet of Michael when he was a little kitten as well as lots of footage of the kids. Katie, Daniel, Jason S, Chuckie and my Jason were all there as well of some kids I couldn't identify. Daniel was hamming it up whenever he realized the camera was recording. Funny that Daniel wasn't entirely comfortable watching his own theatrics so many years ago. Jason, however, was eating it up and we certainly got some good laughs out of it.

Tom works Saturdays. He takes Mondays off, so that is even nicer right now. That means we have a day together without the offspring. When I go to work, chances are it will mean that we have only one day off together each week. Being the newlywed that I am, I sure look forward to time I can spend with Tom. I even wait for him out front most evenings.

I made lasagna from scratch today. (So I ~did~ slave away over a hot stove all day this time!) I don't know how long I've had this recipe, but it has been lost for about ten years now. Dede stumbled across a copy I had made for her and graciously copied it for me. So, I spent a good part of the day cutting up things, measuring things and simmering things. I think it was worth it, though. Everyone had seconds and complemented the chef. Both Jason and Daniel sort of turned their noses up at some of the ingredients. I always made lasagna secretly in the past because most of the kids have found at least one of the ingredients utterly disgusting. I know my grandson, Rodney, wouldn't eat it if he saw me make it.

Daniel and Tom and I wasted most of the evening watching some trashy thing on the sci-fi station. I think it was called ScannerDay. There were several episodes back to back. It seems that there was some drug that pregnant moms took that altered the brains of their offspring and made them telepaths. This condition normally caused insanity, but there was a drug that would control the telepathy. Anyway, these altered people were called scanners and the shows were about a scanner cop.