ANNOYING

HOW TO BE ANNOYING

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
4. Set alarms for random times.
5. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip ".
6. Leave you Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's Stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
7. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
8. Honk and wave to strangers.
9. Wear your pants backwards.
10. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!".
11. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cryillic-landscape mode.
12. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
13. only type in lowercase.
14. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
15. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
16. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
17. Write "X - BURIES TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
18. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy Assassination / UFO /OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
19. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
20. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
21. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
22. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
23. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
24. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
27. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
28. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
29. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin.
30. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
31. Name your dog "Dog".
32. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
33. Ask people what gender they are.
34. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think".
35. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
36. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
37. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
38. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
39. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
40. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
41. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
42. Change your name to John Aaaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
43. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
44. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
45. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
46. Wear a LOT of cologne.
47. Listen to 33 rpm records at 45 rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
48. Sing along at the opera.
49. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
50. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
51. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
52. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket".
53. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
54. Never make eye contact.
55. Never break eye contact.
56. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
57. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
58. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
59. Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.