Endnotes For
"Crown Him Patriarch"



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  1. Allan G. Johnson, The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1997) 26.

  2. John Gray, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus(New York: HarperCollins, 1992) 7.

  3. John Gray, Mars and Venus On a Date (New York: HarperCollins, 1997) 395.

  4. Gerda Lerner, The Creation of Patriarchy (New York: Oxford University Press, 1986) 239.

  5. John Gray, Mars and Venus In the Bedroom (New York: HarperCollins, 1995) 20. Gray's notes on pregnancy and STDs appear in the introduction, not in any chapters. In his patented style, he patronizes women by saying, "If he takes responsibility for remembering to protect her every time." Gray trivializes critical sexual ethics issues by discussing them in the introduction and giving men the option, not the obligation, to take responsibility for safer sex.

  6. John Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know (New York: HarperCollins, 1994), 16.

  7. Examples include the biblical leader Deborah, the poet Sappho, the mathematician, astronomer and philosopher Hypatia, and the warrior Boadicea. While these women "made it" in a man's world, they still were not free from patriarchy. Indeed, Hypatia was murdered by fanatical Christian men who said women didn't have the God-ordained right to teach males.

  8. See http://www.zdnet.com/yil/content/mag/9612/gray/grayarch.html
    Also, see Susan Hamson's commentary on the interview.

  9. John Gray, Mars and Venus On a Date (New York: HarperCollins, 1997) 340.

  10. Allan G. Johnson, The Blackwell Dictionary of Sociological Terms: A User's Guide to Sociological Language (Cambridge, MA: Blackwell Publishers, Inc., 1995) 265-266.

  11. Allan G. Johnson, The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1997) 76.

  12. Like all analogies, the comparison between games and social systems isn't meant to be tit-for-tat. The "rules" and principles on which social life is based are far more complex, ambiguous, and paradoxical than those in a typical game and are more open to improvisation as the system develops. Still, participation in all these social systems can often feel like a game! For a more detailed lay-oriented discussion of the relationship between individuals and social systems, I recommend Allan G. Johnson's The Forest and the Trees: Sociology as Life, Practice, and Promise (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1997). This book shows why it's essential for think sociologically as we develop relationship skills. Johnson has much wisdom about relationships and his book takes the reader into every corner of social life, from the meanings of "I love you" to the ravages of social oppression.

  13. Gina Ogden, "What Planet Are We On?" in New Age Journal, January/February 1998, 21.

  14. Ibid.

  15. Allan G. Johnson, The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1997) 98.

  16. Ibid, 31.

  17. John Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know (New York: HarperCollins, 1994) 384.

  18. John Gray, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus(New York: HarperCollins, 1992) 44.

  19. Allan G. Johnson, The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1997) 111.

  20. John Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know (New York: HarperCollins, 1994) 384.

  21. Dee Graham, Loving to Survive: Sexual Terror, Men's Violence, and Women's Lives (New York: New York University Press, 1994) 88.

  22. John Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know (New York: HarperCollins, 1994) 98.

  23. John Gray, Mars and Venus On a Date (New York: HarperCollins, 1997) 411.

  24. Ibid, 412.

  25. Robert William Jensen, "The Clinton Scandal", http://www.feminista.com/v2n6/jensen.html, October 1998.

  26. John Gray has a secular worldview on sexuality and yet, he's popular among religious fundamentalists. Why? Well, on page 385 of What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know, he actually tells men to stop mastrubating because it nurtures the "female side". He also says that if a man is not in a committed relationship, abstaining from sex is "one of the most powerful ways to find male strength". For me, these passages brought back memories of conservative Catholics who thought priestly celibacy was a higher virility. It also reminded me of college Bible studies where single men's sexual struggles were taken seriously while single women's struggles were trivialized. As we talk about patriarchy, we have to remember that this flexible social system is a moving target. One can patriarchalize anything! In our secular society, male virginity is considered unmanly. However, in conservative Christian circles, it is often viewed as the pinnacle of "real manhood". As the Southern Baptists said in their True Love Waits campaign: "Real Men Wait!"

  27. John Gray, Mars and Venus On a Date (New York: HarperCollins, 1997) 71.

  28. John Gray, Mars and Venus In the Bedroom (New York: HarperCollins, 1995) 39.

  29. Allan G. Johnson, The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1997) 29.

  30. Ibid, 207.

  31. John Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know (New York: HarperCollins, 1994) 322-349.

  32. Allan G. Johnson, The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1997) 40.

  33. John Gray, Mars and Venus On a Date (New York: HarperCollins, 1997) .

  34. John Gray, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus(New York: HarperCollins, 1992) 189.

  35. John Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know (New York: HarperCollins, 1994) 322.

  36. Ibid, 17.

  37. Allan G. Johnson, The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1997) 172.

  38. John Gray, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus(New York: HarperCollins, 1992) 154.

  39. John Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know (New York: HarperCollins, 1994) 408.

  40. Gina Ogden, "What Planet Are We On?" in New Age Journal, January/February 1998, 121.

  41. Riane Eisler, The Chalice and the Blade(New York: HarperCollins, 1995) 105. Eisler prefers the term, andocratic, because she thinks the term, patriarchal, brings to mind conflicting cliches about tyrannical fathers and wise old men. She believes that the word, andocracy, more accurately describes our gender system. Eisler has invented a new word, gylany, because the term, egalitarian, has been misused by defenders of patriarchy (or andocracy). Indeed, in our andocentric society, a term like egalitarian does not contain any explicit affirmations of women. Thus, her invention of "gylany", where gy derives from the Greek gyne or woman, an derives from the Greek andros or man, and the l between them derives from the Greek verb lyein, which means to resolve and set free. Eisler says that in English, the l can also stand for the linking of woman and man.

  42. Gina Ogden, "What Planet Are We On?" in New Age Journal, January/February 1998, 121.

  43. See Pepper Schwartz, Love Between Equals: How Peer Marriage Really Works (New York: MacMillan, 1994); Dee Graham, Loving to Survive: Sexual Terror, Men's Violence, and Women's Lives (New York: New York University Press, 1994); and Mary Stewart vanLeeuwen, Gender and Grace: Love, Work, and Parenting in a Changing World (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1990).

  44. Gina Ogden, "What Planet Are We On?" in New Age Journal, January/February 1998, 121.

  45. John Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know (New York: HarperCollins, 1994) 386.

  46. See my June 1998 comments to Susan Hamson, where I summarize various journalists' and social scientists' observations about the mythopoetic men's movement. Point your browser to http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/women_rebuttal_from_uranus/bly.htm.

  47. Gina Ogden, "What Planet Are We On?" in New Age Journal, January/February 1998, 121.

  48. Allan G. Johnson, The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1997) 208.

  49. For the evangelical feminist interpretation of the "hard" and "easy" gender passages in the Bible, point your browser to Christians For Biblical Equality, http://www.cbeinternational.org.

  50. See Elaine Storkey, What's Right With Feminism (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1985); Gerda Lerner, The Creation of Feminist Consciousness: From the Middle Ages to Eighteen-seventy (New York: Oxford University Press, 1993); and Margaret Hope Bacon, Mothers of Feminism: The Story of Quaker Women In America (San Francisco: Harper&Row, 1986).

  51. John Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know (New York: HarperCollins, 1994) Chapter 4. "Dr" Gray's discussion of male and female brains contains no references or footnotes. He treats complex controversial theories as accepted facts. For a more balanced lay-oriented discussion of these issues by a respected geneticist, see Anne Fausto-Sterling's Myths of Gender: Biological Theories About Women and Men (New York: Basic Books, 1992).

  52. Richard Wrangham and Dale Peterson, Demonic Males: Apes and the Origins of Human Violence (New York: Hougon Mifflin Co., 1996).

  53. Carol Tavris, The Mismeasure of Woman: Why Women Are Not the Better Sex, the Inferior Sex, or the Opposite Sex (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1992) 77.

  54. Mary Stewart vanLeeuwen, Project Editor, After Eden: Facing the Challenge of Gender Reconciliation (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, Inc., 1993) 600.


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