There was this duck who went into a bar. He asked the bar tender "Do you
have any duck food?" The bar tender said "No!" So the duck
The next day the duck came into the bar and said "do you have any duck food?" The bar tender said "NO!" So the Duck left. The next day the Duck came into the same bar and asked "Do you have any duck food?" The bar tender said "No! I don't have any duck food! If you come in the bar one more time I will nail your DUCK FEET over the door!" So the duck left.
The next day the duck came in and asked "Do you have any nails?" The bar tender said "No!" So the duck asked, "Do you have any duck food?"
A man bought a parrot. After bringing it home he found that it used foul language. He tried for weeks to correct the bird. Finally, the man decided to take stern action. He locked the parrot in a cabinet for a week. The bird cursed the whole time. Frustrated, the man put the parrot in the refrigerator. He stood close by because he didn't want to harm the bird. The bird cursed for two hours straight. The man removed the parrot from the refrigerator, let it recover a bit and placed it in the freezer. Within a minute the parrot became silent. The man opened the freezer door and the parrot stepped out. The parrot said, "I'm very sorry and I'll never curse again. Will you please forgive me?" The man did. The parrot then said, "I have one question." "Go ahead," the man said. "What did the turkey do?" the parrot asked.
A really dumb guy walked into a bar and noticed a beautiful blonde sitting at the bar.
He walked up to her and said "Can I buy you a drink?"
She replied "Yes you may, but you won't get to first base with me."
"And why not?" replied the dummy.
"Because I'm a lesbian." she replied.
"Oh, so you're from Lebanon."
"You don't know what a lesbian is, do you?"
"No, I can't say I do." replied the idiot.
"Let me try to explain." said the blonde. "You see that girl at the end of the bar. Well I would like to make passionate love to her, and kiss her all over all night long." She looked aside and saw the dumb guy with his head down crying uncontrollably.
"What's the matter with you?!, " said the lesbian.
The dummy slowly looked up to her and said "Oh My Lord, "Oh My Lord. I think I'm a lesbian too!"