Anagrams for "Monica Lewinsky":
- insane milky
- cownice silky woman
- I know sin, malice
- I nail slick women
The newest word in the English languge is the Verb, Lewinski, as in "I could use a Lewinski."
B-I-T-C-H: Bill In Trouble, Call Hillery
Pretty rude, but also cute. A good satire site of the President.
Cute page called "All the Presidents Women".
Clinton and the ABCs.....
A - is for Adultery : you can hear Slick deny.
B - is for Bimbos : who will open his fly.
C - is for Conspiracies : vast and right wing.
D - is for Defense : Slick's cronies won't sing.
E - is for Evidence : Ken Starr can't find.
F - is for Feeding Frenzy : TV audiences don't mind.
G - is for Gennifer : Slick only now admitted their affair.
H - is for Hillary : Who claims she doesn't care.
I - is for Immunity : Witnesses keep hanging tough.
J - is for Jokes : We just can't enough of.
K - is for "Kiss It" : Slick's best pickup line.
L - is for Lies : Liberals like Slick just fine.
M - is for Monica : The famous nymphamous intern.
N - is for Newscasters : Hoping it's their turn.
is for Oral : The kind of sex Slick prefers.
P - is for Paula, Peyronies, and Perjurers.
Q - is for Questions : That Slick never will answer.
R - is for Ruin : The Clintons have left in their wave.
S - is for Semen : Your dress it may stain.
T - is for Truth : The Clintons hold in disdain.
U - is for Underwear : Slick just can't keep his from falling.
V - is for virgins : Your President is calling.
W - is for White House : The 42nd most ethical in history.
X- is for X-Rated : What's on those tapes is a mystery.
Y - is for the Place Slick loves to eat.
Z- is for Zipper : Careful Slick, don't catch your meat.
Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. The umpire walks up to the VIP section and yells something, suddenly Clinton grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her over the side and onto the field. The stunned umpired shouted, "No, Mr. President! I said, 'Throw the first PITCH!'"
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," Hillary says.
The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, He'll have the fish," Hillary replies.
The Wizard of Oz visits Washington DC. He sees Al Gore and asks if there is anything he wants. "Well, sure!" says Al. "I'd like to have a brain." "Done!" says the Wizard, and he gives the vice president a brain.
Next he sees Al D'Amato, the Senator from New York, and asks if there is anything he wants. D'Amato thinks for a second and says he would like to have a heart."Done!" says the Wizard, and he gives the Senator a heart.
Finally the Wizard sees Bill Clinton and asks if there is anything the President wants.Bill pauses, looks around for a minute and quietly asks, "Where's Dorothy?"
Clinton and the Pope died on the same day and, due to some administrative foul up, Clinton gets sent to heaven and the Pope gets sent to hell.
The Pope explains the situation to the hell administration, they check their paperwork, and the error is acknowledged. They explain, however, that it will take about 24 hours to make the switch. The next day, the Pope is called in and the hell administration bids him farewell and he heads for heaven.
On the way up, he meets Clinton on the way down, and they stop to chat.
Pope: Sorry about the mix up.
Clinton: No problem.
Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven.
Clinton: Why's that?
Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.
Clinton: You're a day late.
Nixon & Clinton Compared
Major Scandal during their presidency....
The President's biggest fear....
Nixon: The Cold War
Clinton: The Cold Sore
Complaints toward the President.....
Nixon: His was Greek
Clinton: His is a Geek.
Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger.
Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her.
Things the President couldn't explain....
Nixon: The missing 18-minutes on the tapes
Clinton: The 36D bra in his briefcase
Nixon: Tricky Dick
Clinton: Slick Willy
Dr. Suess Meets Fornigate
I am Starr. Starr I are.
I'm a brilliant barri-star.
I'm here to ask, as you'll soon see,
Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky?
Did you grope her in your house?
Did you grope beneath her blouse?
Did she give you gifts and ties?
Were you spied by prying eyes?
I did not do that here or there!
I did not do that anywhere!
I did not do that in a chair!
I went not near her giant hair!
I did not join -- even for fun,
The Mile High Club in Air Force One,
So stow your feathers and your tar,
I did not do her Starr you are!
Did you smile?
Did you Flirt?
Did you peek beneath her skirt?
And did you tell the girl to lie,
When called upon to testify?
That is it; you've gone too far!
I do not like you Starr you are!
I will not answer any more!
In fact, I think I'll start a war!
The public's easy to distract,
When bombs are falling on Iraq!
Rush Limbaugh was riding through a plush country side in his black chauffeured limousine. All of a sudden a pig darted out in front of the limo and was instantly killed. Mr. Limbaugh felt really bad and instructed his driver to head up to the closest farm house, find out if they owned the pig and offer to pay for damages.
They soon arrived at front of the farm house and the chauffeur went to the front door. He was escorted inside by the farmer and was gone for over 2 hours.
When he reappeared his clothes were in disarray, he was carrying a brown paper bag, and had the biggest smile on his face that Rush had every seen. Rush demanded to know where the chauffeur had been and what had taken him so long.
The chauffeur reported that he had went to the door, just as instructed, and had told the farmer and his wife what had happened.
They invited him in, prepared a fine steak with all the fixins' for him.
Then they took him upstairs to meet their 24 year old daughter who was a finalist in the Miss America Pageant. They left him with the daughter for them to "get to know one another better" for an hour.
When he came back downstairs the farmer's wife had baked chocolate chip cookies and had given him the brown bag full of fresh hot cookies, then they sent him on his way.
"Wow!" exclaimed Rush. "What the hell did you tell them?"
"Well..." replied the chauffeur, sheepishly. "I just told them that I was Rush Limbaugh's chauffeur and I had just killed the pig."
Q: Have you seen the newest Washington souvenir?
A: It's a T-shirt that says "I blew the president, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!"
Q: Why did Clinton meet Lewinsky in the Oval office?
A: It was so she could debrief him.
Q: What's the difference between the Titanic and President Clinton?
A: Only 1,500 people went down on the Titanic.
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.
Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.
Q: How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude?
A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Q: Why does Bill Clinton cheat on Hillary?
A: He wants to be on top.
Q: How many women does it take to satisfy Bill Clinton's sexual appetite?
A: It Takes A Village!
Q: What was Yasser Arafat's advice to Bill Clinton?
A: Goats don't talk.
Q: When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
A: When she didn't swallow everything he presented.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.
Q: What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A: A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes HE did?
A: A dead girlfriend.
Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
Q: What's the new game in the White House?
A: Swallow the Leader!
Q: What do the current Whitehouse scandal and WaterGate have in common?
A: Deep Throat
Q: What's the new game in the White House?
A: Swallow the Leader!
Q: What's the headline in tomorrow's papers?
A: BUSH Beats Clinton
Q: What did Al Gore say when he heard of Clinton's troubles?
A: I'm only one orgasm away from the Presidency!
Q. Bill and Hillary are on a sinking boat. Who gets saved?
A. The nation.
MORE LIP SERVICE?
The Washington Post reported a private meeting between Monica Lewinsky and President Clinton in late December, two weeks after she was subpoenaed in the Jones sexual harassment lawsuit. The Post cited sources as saying Lewinsky was cleared into the White House on the evening of Dec. 28 by Clinton's secretary Betty Currie and that she met with Clinton privately near the Oval Office...
... It was also reported that Clinton was seen wearing Mistletoe on his belt buckle...
Penthouse magazine has offered $2 million to Monica Lewinsky for the rights to her story and for some "modest, semi-nude" photos of her, a letter from the lawyer of the magazine's publisher, Bob Guccione, states. Penthouse said it would allow Lewinsky to "select or edit" her pictures
...... Much like her testimony...
Here are some thoughts on Clinton's latest...
- He says he poked a little, but he didn't penetrate.
- And we thought Nixon was the Tricky Dick!
- Now we know why Bill Clinton wears underwear: To keep his ankles warm.
- Clinton: I didn't do it; but if I did, it was out of love for Hillary.
- Name that Scandal: Winner: Zippergate. First runner up: Tailgate.
- Be easy on Bill. To paraphrase Alice Roosevelt (on FDR and Eleanor), after all, he does have Hillary.
- I bet Bill and Hillary had a long night last night.
- Hillary says she doesn't mind since she doesn't want Bill in "that" way.
- What do a clitoris and the emergency defense button have in common? Bill Clintons finger.
- Should we rename it The Oral Office?
Considering all of the political controversies lately, Bill Clinton's State Of the Union" speech this week ought to be the most babble-filled yet. In fact he might just save time and use the Political Babble Generator, which promises to provide a randomly selected bunch of hackneyed phrases at the click of a mouse.
Find it at:http://www.webcorp.com/polibabble.htm
As Monica Lewinsky is said to tell it, President Clinton thoroughly searched the Bible and concluded that oral sex does not constitute adultery...
... Actually he just changed the Sixth Commandment with a line-item veto
In light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations with publishers to write a new book about the scandal. Working title: "All the President's Women."
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.
"What is it?" yells the President.
"It's this abortion bill, Mr. President. What do you want to do about it?" the aide asks.
"Just go ahead and pay it." responds the President.
News Directory Creates Clinton Crisis Area
Internet news directory TotalNews (www.totalnews.com) announced it has created a special page devoted to the unfolding White House sex scandal. The site features links to major online news sites and offers instant searches of current news and background information on the story. "The Net is the place where all the media come together. We have made it easy for the user to follow every aspect of the story as it is uncovered," TotalNews president Roman Godzich said.
The number one pickup line in Washington DC:
"Hello Miss, I'm (Senator, Congressman, Cabinet Secretary, President, etc....) Smith. Have you even been involved in a Sex Scandal?"
"Would you like to be?"
Did you hear that for the remainder of the Clinton Administration 'Hail to the Chief" has been replaced with the theme to "Dead Man Walking"
In a tribute to Bill Clinton, the Super Bowl halftime show will feature Don Meredith singing "Turn out the lights, the party's over".