ONE LINERS

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Don't worry about the world ending today...It's already tomorrow in Australia.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

If at first you don't succeed ... well, so much for sky diving.

The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it.
If you can't ignore it, top it.
If you can't top it, laugh at it.
If you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.