The Ellipsi Rant

For January 7th, 2006

("Should old Ted Kennnn'dy beeeee a sot/Driving off that rick'ty briiiiiidge...")

New Year's Day.  Our society's "Reset" button.  Our culture - or what's left of it, anyway - reboots, reloads and starts over.

And with every New Year's Day comes two things in this household:  New Year's Reminiscing, and New Year's Resolutions.  A look back, and a look forward, as it were.

2005 was the Year of the Natural Disaster around the world.  From the earthquake which caused the tsunami in Asia (and yes, I realize it happened at the tail end of 2004, but the effects lasted well into 2005) and the resulting devastation, to Hurricanes Katrina & Rita, which destroyed most of New Orleans and caused more than a bit of damage to Alabama, Mississippi and the Texas coastline, and killed close to 1,500 people, to more earthquakes in places like Indonesia, Micronesia, Turkey, northern Iran, Japan, China, Pakistan and even here in the United States, Ma Nature showed that she is still quite "red in tooth and claw", to borrow a phrase.

2005 was the year of the birth of a new democratic government in Iraq.  And, like all births, this one came with its share of growing pains.  The insurgency, having realized that their day of rule has long past, began to take out their rage on the Iraqis themselves, rather than just us arrogant, imperialistic Americans.  However, Coalition forces continue to beat back the ragheaded Islamoswine, and are winning the war over there one day at a time.

2005 was the year that Saddam Hussein went on trial for the crimes against humanity he committed while he and his sons Dead-ay and Deader-ay ruled with an iron fist during their regime.

2005 was also the year of a brand-new democracy in Afghanistan, where Coalition forces drew their first blood in the War on Terror.  Afghans went to the polls in September to choose a national assembly, as well as local governing bodies, for only the second time since 2001 according to Human Rights Watch.

(Yeah, I know - HRW's not a terribly great source for accurate information, but at least on this particular page they didn't go and bash the USA or President Bush.

Speaking of whom, 2005 was the year President Bush began his second term, and promptly declared that he had "political capital", and that he was going to "spend it".  Whereupon, he began doing so - like a drunken sailor.  Or maybe political capital doesn't go as far as it used to.  Whatever.

There was the idea to opt out of Social Security, in favor of a "personal spending accounts" - a bodaciously sweet idea if ever there was one, as it would ease the strain on Social Security, where retirees' benefits are currently dependent wholly on current workers' payroll taxes - but the Demoscum, as usual, squawked, screeched and squealed until the President was forced to put it on the back burner.

Then there was the John Roberts nomination to the Supreme Court to replace Sandra "Ditzy Bint" O'Connor.  Before Roberts could be confirmed, however, Chief Justice William Rehnquist passed away, leading Bush to nominate Roberts to replace Rehnquist, rather than O'Connor.  And then came Bush's nomination of Harriet Miers to replace O'Connor.  All well and good, except Miers has never been a jurist on any level, just a lawyer, and currently President Bush's personal attorney.  The nomination was so terrible that you had Dingy Harry Reid, of all people, defending her.

Miers was finally forced to withdraw from consideration, whereupon President Bush nominated Samuel Alito to take her place.  We'll see how that goes.

Finally, there was the revelation that Bush had approved (and rightly so, in this scribe's view) wiretaps by the NSA of calls either originating from or going to known terrorists or their sympathizers, including Al-Qaida.  While still the right thing to do, given that we are at war (a fact the Donktards seem to keep forgetting), the revelation brought howls of whiny indignation from the Demoscum, including increased calls for the impeachment of the President.  (Note to the Limp-wristed Lunatic Left™:  Succeed in removing Bush from office, and those of us here in Flyover Country™ won't be responsible for what happens to you next.  Suffice it to say that I hope your bodyguards are ready for the onslaught.)

However, as we approached the end of '05, Bush's ratings had jumped roughly 10 points, so it's possible the GOP will come through this all the stronger.

2005 was also the year that the Demoscum, having lost in the polls, went back to their tried & true modus operandi to get what they wanted - they went to the courts.  Or rather, their operatives in certain prosecutors' offices went to the courts.  House Majority Leader Tom DeLay was required by Repubican rules to temporarily step down from his post when he was charged with counts of money laundering and conspiracy; however, as of this writing, he was expected to make the resignation permanent.  The charges, brought by Demoscummic muckraking fucknozzle Ronnie Earle, were originally for acts that were not crimes at the time they were allegedly committed, and little Ronnie in fact had to empanel three separate grand juries before he got any charges at all against Congressman DeLay, at one point even going so far as to threaten one of the grand juries.  (For more on just what a goat-humping slimebucket Ronnie Earle is, go read this.)  Don't be surprised if/when the charges against DeLay are eventually dismissed, just as Earle's charges against Texas senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson were several years ago.

2005 was the year that made two alleged human beings in the anti-war movement household names.  Cindy "Mother Shitcan" Sheehan lost her son, Casey Sheehan, to enemy fire, and in this writer's opinion, completely lost her mental and psychological equilibrium as a result.  She set up a shantytown just down the road in Crawford, TX when the President was at home on his ranch, and became the face of the anti-war, pro-defeatist movement for the Left.  She called those who killed her son "freedom fighters", complained when Hurricane Katrina took media coverage off of her, and even managed to get herself arrested at the front gate of the White House.  She has earned herself praise from the pro-terrorist Lame Stream Media™, and the title of "Anti-War Whore".

The other face of the anti-war movement was a Congresscretin from Pennsylvania named John Murtha.  A Vietnam veteran on the order of failed presidential candidate John-Boy F'n Qetchup-ass (in other words, any commendations he got, he probably didn't earn), garnered himself a touch of infamy when he declared that the United States couldn't win the war in Iraq and should pull out immediately.  For his cowardice, he was virtually deified by the LSM and exposed for the coward he is by us right-thinkers here in the Blogosphere.

In sports, 2005 was the Year of the Mini-Dynasty - as in, the University of Southern California Trojans, who won their 2nd straight national championship in college football, and the New England Patriots, who actually bucked a trend and won their 2nd straight, rather than having it handed them by the officiating.  2005 saw the San Antonio Spurs win yet another NBA title, and in baseball a second straight longshot (if you go by number of years since their last championship) took the World Series - in this case, the Chicago White Sox.

2005 was the year of the Force - as in, "may the Force be with you".  George Lucas came out with the final episode of the second Star Wars trilogy, Revenge of the Sith, and it broke all sorts of box-office records.  Was quite the good view, too.

2005 was the year Rush Limbaugh essentially won his case against the witch-hunting peons of the Left when the courts ruled that his doctors couldn't be interviewed by investigators without permission.  Absent that, prosecutors have already admitted they have no case.

2005 was the year we lost, among others:  Richard Pryor, Eugene McCarthy, Pat Morita, Rosa Parks, Nipsey Russell, Don Adams, Simon Wiesenthal, the aforementioned Chief Justice William Rehnquist, Bob "Gilligan" Denver, Peter Jennings, James "Scotty" Doohan, Luther Vandross, Anne Bancroft, Eddie "Green Acres" Albert, Frank "Riddler" Gorshin, Prince Rainier III of Monaco, Saul Bellow, Johnnie Cochran, John DeLorean, Sandra "Gidget" Dee, Hunter S. Thompson, Arthur Miller, Max Schmeling and Andrea Dworkin.

We also lost two icons in 2005:  Johnny Carson, the undisputed king of late night talk shows, and Pope John Paul II, who likely did more for the Catholic Church than any pope since Peter I.  John Paul's spot was taken by Pope Benedict XVI, although - as is the case with Carson - no one can replace the man himself.  Those two will be missed.

2005 saw the economy continue to chug along, for the most part keeping up with the pace it set in 2004.  The Dow ended the year just under 10,800 points again, though slightly under its 2004 finish, and has already taken off to begin this new year.  The economy created another 2 million new jobs.

2005 also saw another wireless merger.  I mentioned one year ago that Sprint & Nextel were considering becoming one company in 2004.  That merger happened in 2005.

2005 was the year California's death penalty finally found its teeth, when the penal system finally executed Crip founder "Tookie" Williams, despite all the whining from the Left to spare his life like he didn't spare the lives of his victims..

2005 was also the year Michael Newdow gave it another shot to take the words "under God" out of the Pledge of Allegiance.  Probably a good thing he lives out in San Transexual - he might not last five minutes anywhere else.

2004 was the year we found out that Rafael Palmeiro was an abject liar.  Having testified around April that he'd never taken any kind of steriod, period - he was suspended in July from baseball for a positive steroid test.

On a personal note, 2005 was a year I'd just as soon forget.  I didn't lose what I wanted to lose - that being weight (it pretty much stayed where it was, which I suppose isn't a bad thing) - but I did lose two things which I'd give anything to have today.

First...was my marriage.  The union with the beautiful Yolanda in Miami actually came to a screeching halt during Thanksgiving weekend 2004 (memo to the next Mrs. Spatula, if there ever is one:  Don't ever question my ability to fix computers, or to make money at that particular craft); the divorce was merely finalized this year.

The second will have longer-term effects.  The Orange Jack - Cingular Wireless - decided that having a tech on staff that everyone loved wasn't a luxury they could afford, and so I got the axe in October.  Fortunately, I found gainful employment elsewhere, and the severance will keep me afloat for a while.  Something better-paying needs to come about pretty soon, though.

2005 was the year that three more limp-wristed, pansy-assed chickenshits decided that they didn't have the balls to come get in my face.  Michael Cortese, aka "Rev. Mykki Chickenshit", advertised to the world that he'd rather play with his inflatable dolls than spew his bullshit someplace where he'd likely get his ass kicked.  And we still don't know whether he lives in Arlington, VA or Alexandria, VA. (snicker)

Merl Allen of Seattle, WA made noises about coming down here to kick my ass.  Said he'd be here, first in the middle of August, then on September 1st.  Never showed up.  Gee, wonder why.

Then there was an alleged reservist, going by the name of "Firefox", who lives over in the next county, saying he wanted some and that he would come get it.  I told him to come on by anytime.  He never showed.

Yawn.

Lastly, 2005 was also the year I vacated 5330 Bent Tree Forest Dr, #712 and moved a bit north & west. (Not that far north and not that far west, either.)  Got a nice little two-bedroom place now all to myself with one bedroom serving as the office - from where, incidentally, I'm writing this.  We also vacated our little corner of Blogsnot and set up plush digs at our own little Web site, as you guys are well aware.

But now it's time to look towards the future.  New Year's Day, by definition, is the day when we all trot out those dreaded New Year's Resolutions™ - those things we make futile promises to change.

And I'm no different.  There are things I don't like about my life right now, and it's my intention to change them.  Here they are, in no particular order:

 

In that same vein, I intend to resume my workout regimen.  Weightlifting has always been a hobby of mine, and I need to reacquaint myself with the concept.  After all, I do want the physique to scare the crap out of any troll that thinks he can take me.  (snicker)

(Yeah, I know - I made this resolution last year.  One of these years, I'm actually going to keep it.)

 

Seriously.  If the best she can do is Tommy Lee again...if that's what she wants, then why would any guy in his right mind want her???

 

I mean, please.  Given what little I've seen of her work on The Simple Life, I conclude that she (and Nicole Ritchie) are good for one thing, and one thing only.  Three guesses as to what that is; the first two don't count.

(Gotta admit, though - she's got hellaciously sexy bedroom eyes.  Props for that, if nothing else.)

 

 

Happy Two Thousand and Six, Denizens.

YEEEEEAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

 

 

Spatula City BBS!